There isn't a day that goes by in my life. When I don't think about the seasons which composed my senior year. They were nights spent in a room with a girl who always had a smile on her a face. A boy who wore a Vader mask every were he went and a guy who though he was the Marlon Brando of the world. We were in short a group of ragtag of teenagers partially joined together by the common interest of playing a board game and partially joined by a the events and times we were growing up in.
It was a changing world for the graduating class of the 2009. Obama was in, Bush was out and for a bunch of us seniors that year. It marked the end of to the cold and harsh winter which had gripped the town of New Roe that year and a return to the cheryblosom, pool jumping, senior singing festivities which composed spring time in New Roe country. Spring meant an end to the old spirit of winter and a renewel to the new and young ways of life which came with spring. Around me everyone sang an end to the High School experience we had all grown accustumed to and a begining to our college experience. Except that I didn't feel the full force of this excitment at the time. Because all I wanted do was to find a way to get out of the old world I was use to and graduate. I though that by graduating from school I would be able to find a way out of the winter and into the spring everyone around me seemed to enjoy. I marked the date till graduation on my calendar with a big bright red words graduation date and every morning would mark a big dark X on the day that marked me geting closer to that date.
It was March and yet for some reason the date till my June release felt as though it a year away. I pouted and sometimes would yell into my pillow at times before leaving to school. I thought my feeling of contension for school wouldn't be reconizable to my mother. However nothing seemed to get by her. She caught on quickly that I something was wrong and being the mother along with former phycologist she was, decided to find a way to solve my issues with the quick dial of a phone and a smile. Her son from that moment on would be enrolled a in a program which she said helped teenagers to do better socialy and academicly in school. By giving them guote on quote “interaction
time with kids who would be a possitive support for them through an enhanced knowledge of the board game Risk.” It was the biggest peice of nouncence I had ever heard at the time. I couldn't imagine how playing a board game, somehow my intellegence would grow. But I guess it was just one of those things I would have to go through before senior year. It didn't cost me a dime to be in the program so I didn't care much. I did just as mom said. I got out at 3:00 from school and took the trian four stops to the feiry. Entered it at 3:45 and took it across the river to Manhattan. I got off the boat walked four more blocks and entered Central Park at its southern point, along 60th street. There was a tent set up along a set of seats and tables along the enterence to the park. I walked to were a man holding a clip board stood. Pointed out my name on the list and sat where he instructed me to sit. It sounded like an easy assignment at first. Except that my table already had kids sitting in it. Who at the time I didn't know. The kids sitting at the table looked at me and I imidaitely starting making assumptions on each and everyone of them, starting with the kid with the Vader mask and going through to the blonde who had weird buck teeth and the brunette who sat as though he rulled the table. I took a seat next to the kid with the Vader mask on and said not a word the whole time we were player except. Is it my turn and I'm going to role now. A simple quite tone I felt would be best considering I thought I wouldn't be in this program long enough to get to know these kids anyways.
During my first few weeks at taking the program every friday. Not a world was spoken by myself or the kids who played the board game either. Their quiteness didn't help the already tight silence in the air. Making it feel like the longest three weeks of my life. Until that is, the brunette of the group decided decided to make the first move and cross the Berlin Wall of our silence. It took eighteen words and a firm handshake to take down my wall from Marlon Brando to change this cold war isolation and all they had to say was.”Hey dude my name is Mark, this is Sarah and the kid in the Vader mask is Elliot” Those eigtheen words had done what a month of playing risk wouldn't have done. They tore down the awkward sillence between everyone and open it up to conversation.
I openly spoke to my new friends about myself and was equaly given knowledge about who they were. I learned that day that all my assumptions of these kids being anti social low lives was invalide because each kid had a story of there own. Like the Mark who I learned was a senior like myself and lived a few blocks away from the southern enterence to Central Park.. Or Sarah who lived with her Grandma in Park Slope because her parent's had died while serving in the Iraq war. Yet always managed to wear a smile on her face. Even Elliot who wore a Darth Vader mask had openned up to me that day and I learned that to my surprise he and I had even gone to school together and every english class since freshmen year to senior year together since entering New Roe High School. Elliot had even caught the same train as me to New York. Ironicaly even with his noticable big Darth Vader mask on. I had never noticed him in High School and I made a note to ask him about that when I had the chance.
My chance came six days later when while leaving Mr.Froner's history class. I saw Elliot walking right behind me. So I called out “hey Elliot”. Elliot looks at me and say's. “O hey Nick. How are you?.” “I'm good” I respond back as we walked to the main enterence of the New Roe High school building. I ask Elliot if hes going to risk today and he responds that he is. But that is but he just might be in the mood that day. Elliots mask is a step lower than what it usualy is. Which makes me wonder what could have happened to make him so sour. The doors to the New Roe building closed Elliot and I as we walked to the train stations three blocks away. Elliot doesn't say much as we walk so I decide to ask him why he wears his Darth Vader mask. He rubs the questions of says that he will tell me in a few weeks from now and than ask's if whethere I thought Emily Lively was cute. I mention that I don't. Even as she is walking by me and Elliot as we are walking to the trian. I look at him and smile and he say's you do in a upper happy tone. I guess well have something to talk about during risk now won't we says Elliot as the train doors open in front of us.
The humidity in New York was problably the worste I had ever experienced in March. Yet for some reason that doesn't stop the program directors from resuming Friday risk. It's another day of risk with the friends. Who by now are chuckling at Elliot who is telling them all about how seeing me talk to Emily Lively is like seeing a squirel jet skie. I laugh along with Elliot because he is sort of right. It hasn't been easy for me to talk to Emily Lively. She had been in almost all of my classes till freshmen year. But never once had paid any attention to me. For it was worth that year I could have been a dead fly and she wouldn't have noticed me. But being with my friends makes such a sad story less sad and I am kept more occupied by the lose of my territories in North Africa by Mark than I am over the lose of a girl. Mark takes over the territory and I am eliminated in four terms. I have never seen someone who plays with as good of stragegy than Mark. I ask him what his secret is and he takes a poem from his backpack called Invictus. Which read. “I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.” “How does that relate to stratagy” I ask him as I grab my backpack. Mark replies. “Everything. It's about knowing your oponent and remembering that he doesn't control the Fate of the game you do.” “Ohh. Makes sense I reply back before leaving for the train to New Roe. The trian ride to New Roe isn't a long one. I sit down in the front cart and close my eyes. Marks words come to my head and I imagine that some how those words must work for him but not for me. Some people just can't change there fate I tell myself like the fate of ever talking to Emily. It's never going to happen and I believe it as I walk to my room and lay in my bed thinking about tomorrow.
It's April 12nd now and that means I have now been in this risk program for now a month. Ironicly I have yet to win a game. But that doesn't bother me much. We still have April left and a few events that happend in the beginging of the month remind me that April just might be my month, starting with me recieing an invitation to a party Elliot was having at his house. It's a karokee party that barely anyone seems to go to except me, Elliot and his mom. We sing a few songs and than I leave. Elliots mom thanks me purfusly before saying. That ever since his dad's death Elliot has never been the same. But she is grateful that he has me to talk to. I smile it off and if some how my kindness to Elliot was being rewarded than it couldn't come at a better time.
Because the next day while clearing my locker of semester school work.I catch glance of Emily Lively. She shares a locker right next to me and is also clearing her locker of last semestors books. Emily closes her locker and carries the books on her arms. The weight of all the books carries her down and she drops the books right next to my next locker. She doesn't seem me reaching out to help her because she is so embarresed that she dropped the books. I reach down to help her out and she says. “Thanks Nick.” as I help her out. There's a few science books in the mix of books on the floor that I pick up. Along with a novel we were reading in Ms.DeFeo's class entiled Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austien. “Awesome book isn't it.” I ask Emily as I hold it. She smiles and says it is as she stands up with her books. “Yeah its great.Thanks for your help Nick. Your great” Says Emily. “Anytime” I reply back before asking “If she didn't mind maybe we could meet up afterschool for a study group session.” She responds “I'd like that.” and walks away. I don't reveal a smile till she leaves. April feels so far like a great month.
The next week I meet up with Emily who is wearing a light red sweater that compliments her soft brown hair and pair of blue jeans. We meet along the park next to her house. The weather is light and so is the tone of conversation that I have with her. I learned alot about her while studying with her the book. She mentions what her favorite colors are along with what she enjoys to do for fun. She giggles at the stupid I say and sometimes even taps me on my shoulder. The study session must have been at least 1 hours long. But it felt as though was just five minutes long.. I ask her if we should study agian.She replies defidently.April ends and I still haven't won a game of risk Mark say's I keep coming close but I just need to learn how to control my game to win. I don't care much because for the first time Emily Lively notices me. Yet its funny how sometimes a good thing can turn sour.for me day was in the middle of May.
Everything that day had been spelled out as beautiful. The weather was a nice. The homework was light and it was the first time in while that I would be able to hang out with Victoria. We had made plans in advance to hang out and it seemed that things might just fall into play. It was 5:00 when Victoria got out of her cheer leading session. I could tell by the way she batted her eyes in an almost innocent nothing will bother me look. She gave no impression to your average on looker of the stress that seemed to weigh on her mind as cheer leading finals drew close. She just smiled and walk my way as I waited for her outside the Gym Hallway. I greeted her with a formal hug and hello as she walked to me. She replied with a hug and hello back and than asked where we would go to. Don't worry about I responded as I lead her out of the school. Were we walked south along the outskirts of Central Park West. It was a short five minute walk. But as I talked to Victoria distance became lost and time took no meaning. We were standing outside the Time Warner Mall in no time. Victoria smiled and asked. “So this is were your taking me. Don't you know I love to shop.”
“yeah I do” I responded back.
“But I think I found a better place you might like.”
I walked her to up along the escalator of the Time Warner Building were I took her into the Borders on the second floor.
“Your taking me to a book store.” asked Victoria
“Yeah. I use to work here.” I responded as I lead her to the poetry section. It was a quite section and I thought the quietness of it would ease her mind. I put my backpack down and she followed suite. I told her I was going to get a book and that I would be back. Even though I had brought a book of poetry by Frank 'Hara long in advance. Victoria was sitting with a bottle of water along the floor of the romantic and goth poetry section when I got back. I showed her my book as I sat down. It was an older book that I had brought from a book retailer in Dumbo. I held the book gently as I handed it to Victoria. She gripped the book and opened it. What this is tab for she asked as she looked into the book. I said it was nothing. Even though I knew that I have purposely put that there. Victoria looked at the page. Which was tittle Having A coke with you. Victoria turned the paper with a certain poetic pose. When the page she was she was turning ripped slightly.
“What are you doing?” I asked. As she read the book.
“reading your book.” responded Victoria
Victoria clearly didn't seem to understand how much that book had meant to me. She just smiled and kept reading. It was as though the rip meant nothing to her but to me it did. I look on the book and said “Hey Victoria can I see the book.'
“Yeah sure.” she responded as her bottle tossed onto my book, spilling all of its water contents. Victoria glanced over at me and said I'm sorry as she tried to clean the wet up.
“No you aren't.”
“Yes I am. I can only imagine what this means to you.”
“ No you aren't. I mean do you see where you put your stuff.”
“Yeah and I bet this book meant a lot to you. But what can I say. I'm sorry.”
“Your not sorry alright. You rip my book and now you wet it.”
“It was an honest mistake, dude can't you look the other way and just relax little. It's just a book.”
“No I can't”
“Well books get wet all the time and you don't see people walking the streets with heart attacks.”
“Well that's because they don't treasure books the way I do.”
I can slowly see the frustration build in Victoria's eyes. However I don't stay long to see her tell me the words of her frustration. I just grab my book and run to the bathroom. Along the way. I thought I heard her say so that's why everyone stays around him.” I pay no head to those word because i am to busy I trying to whip the wet sheets off my book. But it's to late the pages are soiled. So I walk back to find Victoria and shes not there. She's gone and only I could blame myself as I thought back on it. For freaking her out. I guess I just didn't tell her the truth and now she's gone.
I call Victoria after my little spaz attack. But she doesn't respond. So I do it again and again. But she ignores me. So I ignore her for a week when she see's me in the hallway and pulls me over and says can we talk. So I nodded in agreement in hopes that maybe I could tell her I'm sorry. But I don't because all she tells me. Is how she knows I'm different but the way I responded during our conversation makes me say nothing. She tells me first that she found that to be quite odd. I respond listen I don't care. I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry and I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom with me. Here face tells me this shocks her and she says that she has been asked out by Johnathan Kinder I respond no problem and she says well... There''s left for me to say. So I walk away, no I run away and for the first time in a while everything feels like they don't make sense anymore.
It the last friday of May and its my last day of having this friday risk night. I still havent won a game. So I am not in the best move. Jared however who has gotten alot friendler is. He even starts playfully hitting sarah. Sarah takes this with stride and laughs also. But I don't laugh so Mark says. “Bud why aren't you laughing and I respond “shutup.” So he says someone has an attitude and that just fires me off. So i tell him. Mark you have no idea what i've gone threw. I'm been hanging out with the same lossers now for 3 months now and what does that get me. Mark tells me to roll my dice so I role. What a seat at the loser table well i hate this table. Mark says role. I role. All i've been doing is working hard and what do I enjoy. Mark says role. I role and move. I mean not even jared has lost his vader helmet. I look at Jared and to my surprise his helmet is off. Mark smiles and says and O by the way you just won. Sarah and jared are by this time looking at me. When Jared says the one world I thought I would never hear. Go get he tells me and I do. It's 10:00 in the night and its raining and I know the prom is over but I run to were I know I will see her waiting for her bus home. When I arrive the bus is just driving off.But I run to it. I run as fast as I can and on the next stop I enter the bus. I'm drenched and wet but I don't care because there she is. I look into her eyes and she says don't apoligize. She just holds my hand and just as we are walking out of the bus to her stop she looks at me. Her hands are colder now. But she whispers the words I've been dying to here since I first met her. Everything is going to be all right.
