Reflection

1. Did you find that being part of the Hunter College early college program better prepared you for your future college career? How so?
   I think being part of the Hunter College early college program has prepared me for future college careers. The early college program prepared by allowing me to experience first hand what it feels like to be in a college environment with college classes and students. Being in a college environment like at Hunter College I was about to pick up skills like time and study management. While at the same time experiencing the joys that comes with being a college student.
2. What were some obstacles that you faced during the course of this year? How did you overcome them? Write about a moment of great success that you experienced this year. What happened?
   For me a major obstacle that I had to overcome this year was math. Math was never an easy subject while in the High school and it wasn't a easy subject for me in the college either. I struggled a lot of times just to be at the same level as the class. However I am glad to say that even though I struggled. It was well worth the time and effort spent because I passed that class. And I learned something about myself I wouldn't have otherwise learned. I learned that at times one has to put aside there differences and focus. Differences like personality we're always an issue for me back in the High school. Yet as I worked with Hector. (Who at the time I believed was the most annoying kid in school.) I learned that when we look past the flaws and focus on people strengths. You might just discover as I did. that you can accomplish amazing things such as a higher math grade or even discover a news ways to study, like and Hector did. Since studying for long hours isn't easy for me or Hector. We decided that to overcome the “study slums” we would film all the work we did on the chalkboard to camera. The camera would record us teaching a subject in math which our math teacher had taught. I would review the scene recorded with Hector and we would than upload our video's online. Through our recorded films me and Hector were able to share what we had learned from that class and were even able to pick up on flaws in the film which needed correction at times. We also took advantage of a program on skype which allows a person from another area to see what another person on the same line is working on from there computer. This helped me out tremendously in seeing where I needed corrections in my mathematical understanding. I made great improvements in my math thanks to Hector and or use of technology and on the positive note. The work me and Hector did was even heard by Principal Kriesmen who though it was interesting how to students were able to use the basic forms of technology used by millions of teenagers each day for education. In fact a few weeks ago I was even called back to the High School to have the honor of presenting to a bunch of teachers and high end education officials. How to make early college programs like the one in Hunter College successful. When I mentioned to the group how Hector and I made use of technology to do things like share our video's on facebook with others. They smiled and commented on how it was great to see students use technology to help each other out. This great moment I experienced while in the High school however was probably just one of the best moments I had while in the college. Because one of the best moments I had while in the College happened the day before I was able to take my SAT's. I remember that day as being the best moment I had. Because it was during a month of activities when due to time constraints and a hard to follow schedule. I wasn't able to receive a lot of support to study for my SAT's. I worried tremendously as the day came to take the SAT that I wouldn't score as high as I wanted. Yet just as all hope was gone. I remembered an email I had received a few weeks prior that mentioned. That I could receive free math tutoring if I went to school early enough to receive it. I emailed Audrey Fields the teacher who was organized and told her about my situation. Ms. Fields who I got to say is probably one of the best teachers I have had. She calmly reassured me that I would get the help I needed the next day and not to worry about it because she would handle the situation and she did. The next day when I got to school there she was with the tutor waiting to teach me. The tutor's advice on how to look math problems allowed me to look at math problems with new eyes was a real source of help for me when I took the SAT that Saturday. Thanks to him and the help of Ms. Feilds. When I did take the SAT the next day. I was able scored move up 110 points on my math section of the SAT than I did the previous time's I took the test. I also made gains in the reading and writing section. Which allowed me to go from a 12,000 to a 15,000 score range. You can only imagine the joy I had when I went back to school and learned how my new SAT score's were higher than before. For me that was a successful experience.
3. Did you enjoy Fiction Writing this year?  What were some of the lessons that you learned this year that you would be able to bring into your writing in the future?
   There's a certain smile I always get when I glance at this question. Because every time I look at this question, the song here comes the sun by the Beatles always comes into my ears. The song Here comes the sun by the Beatles I feel illustrates the way I felt about my English class this year. It was refreshing and fun. I spent many enjoyable hours in that class and like the change of seasons that melts away the ice from the ground. My English class so to speak was that change of sunlight that really comes during a time when I felt like I was just dying to get out of school and English class just wasn't the exception at the time. I wanted change almost like the character in the story I wrote for English except that in my case. I feel as though I was able to change because of how much fun Ms.DeFeo made English class for me. I mean I know that sounds real clique to say. But English really was fun because Ms.DeFeo made it fun. She gave us projects like the one after winter break which challenged me to take an issue and sing it and make it interactive for the class. Now I would have usually said no to something like this if I was back in the High School. But in this English class I didn't have the luxury of saying no. So I tried it out and when it was over. I had more of a blast doing the event than I think I did in at first whining over it. I learned to open up my idea's and to not be afraid to take a risk at times when it came to my classmates. Because sometimes the risk did pay off. Like in the case of Veronica Perez. Who after the project said. Chris I didn't think you had it in you. It made me feel good to hear those words. Because it showed that some how even people cared that I was growing as a student. In another lesson that we had as a student I had to lie about something and have the class believe it. This was my favorite lesson of them all because I really had to think around a lie that the class could believe in looking at me and it wasn't as easy as I thought. But I made up a lie and to my surprise everyone believed it. I learned from that how to see the world through the eye of my characters and through the life I guess you can say. Through the eyes of people I didn't understand. Like the line from a john mayor song. I learned how to use half of my heart to feel a character. Which is a skill I promise to use not to create characters but to also understand people. People can be at times confusing to me. But I feel like when I was in Ms.Defeo's class the world make sense.And now that I look back on it. I got to say that Ms.DeFeo's class showed me how to grow and like the ending to my story became the catalyst to the shadow that changed. And though I will miss taking English class I promise to always remember the good times I had in the best Senior English class I've ever had.
4. a)What Hunter College courses did you take this year? b)Which were your favorite ones and why?c)If there was a course you took that you did not enjoy, what was it and why?
   a) I took this year English, history and geography 101 this year. b) My favorite courses was English, history and geography 101. I enjoyed each and every class because each class allowed me to see the world through different eyes. Through my English course I saw the world through the eyes of a writer. Which I got to say is vary interesting because when you see the world through the eyes of a writer. You always see something unique and special about it that you might have not seen before. Like the time I had to observe people while in the train. I never observed people as much as I did that. But when I did I discovered that behind every face on the train was a story that could be told. The people on the train became not just people the train. But part of a story which can be told from any perspective if I only let my imagination let it. Imagination is also one of the fun things I discovered while in English class which made it fun. A lot of times I think as teenagers we always associate imagination as being something that little kids who have nothing to do on there spare time do for fun. We forget about our imagination as we become young adults and right when all hope is lost of discovering that hidden side. You get an English class like mine and it's like being a kid all over again. Except this time I feel like it's a lot more fun. Considering that we did things in English class that I think I would have never done in a lifetimes. Like learning how to lie to make a story real, or acting out songs and singing them to the class. Those things which as crazy as at times they made sound were fun and enjoyable and they made this years senior English class probably one of the best classes I've ever had. Which isn't to say I didn't feel the same way about my other classes. Because I had fun in those classes as well, like in Mr. Froner's history class. Mr. Froner's history class is short probably one of the most informative classes I have ever taken while in High School. The lessons and idea's in this class really do go beyond the classroom in this class and into the real world. Lessons like how government and economics work were lessons that I got to see take place not just in class but outside as well. Mr. Froner himself is also a great teacher who despite his scary at times demeanor is a teacher who really does care for his students. As a soon to be former student of his I got to say. That I did not always see Mr. Froner as friendly as I do now. In fact truth be told I though Mr. Froner was probably one of the meanest. If not scariest teachers I had met while at Hunter College. I remember for instance the first time I had to meet at appointment and I got there late and I had to wait an hour to see him again. I though to myself gee that's not fair. But than I walked out the situation in my head and I realized that Mr. Froner had just taught me something about being on time to my appointments. A teacher had just taught me a lesson. When I saw Mr. Froner that afternoon I wasn't mad at him even though for probably a good portion I was still afraid of him. That soon went away when I saw how he went after students to make sure they did well. I mean I never met a teacher who cared about his student's like that to make sure they did well. This impressed on me the realization that even though Mr. Froner might at times seem scary. He is a great teacher and for that matter since he is a great teacher so is his class. The last class I enjoyed was geography. Geography was fun because Ms. Goffe always had a way of keeping the class fun. Although it was a struggle to stay awake in her class. She never got to mad at me any time my eye took a dip in the direction of sleep. She would just smile and say wake up. I learned she also was a pretty great teacher as well. c) I didn't have any classes I hated with the exception of maybe math. But that is just because I have never understood math to really enjoy it.
5. a)What do you still need to work on in order to be an even more successful college student? b)How do you plan on working on these skills?
   a)I need to work on time management and face book addiction. b) I plan on working on these skills by continuing to surround myself by those who want to study and by occasionally telling myself no. I can't go on face book today or right now.
6. a)Where did you study on the Hunter College campus this year? b)What facilities did you use at Hunter this year?
   a)I studied most of my time on the 3^rd floor of the Hunter College library. I also spent studied in the computer lab or in the 7^th and 6^th floor of the Hunter College Library. b) I used the computer lab along with the library and lounge area of Hunter College.
7. What have you learned about yourself by being a part of this early college program?
   I learned that there was more to me as a person than I really knew was there. I mean I knew what I liked and cared for. But I really didn't realize how much because of what liked and was accustomed to was holding me back from growing as a student until I became part of the early college program. The early college program allowed me to develop myself out of groups I had normally associated with in High School and expand above that. I grew a lot from this program emotionally, but also educationally as well. I learned that sometimes we need to take risk and chances to get any were and that really anything I put my mind to could be achieved as long as I worked out my mind to do it. For the first time in my education career I also learned what it was like to work out my own schedule and I learned time management skills. Learning time management skills were probably one of the hardest skills for me to learn. Because I like to do a lot in small spaces of time. But I think learning such a skill has really helped me a lot in ways that I feel went beyond the college. Learning time management allowed to schedule my events right, find time for studying and even go to a baseball game knowing that my homework had been done. I've also learned a final lesson which I promise to take with me wherever I go. I learned how to work in a group and give my best to it. That's a lesson I promise to take any were I go.
8. Where will you be attending school in Fall 2010?
   I am glad to say I will be attending Adelphi University in the fall of 2011. (But hey if Hunter College accepts me. I would gladly go there as well .)
9. a)What are your personal goals for the future? b)Where do you see yourself in 5 years? c)In 10 years? d)In 20 years?
   a) I think the question of what are my goals for the future is kind of a question that always makes me at times tear up a little bit. Not because I don't look forward to the future, but because I don't think the full realization that I won't be seeing my friends any more has really set in yet for me. I mean I know I will see a few but I the though of seeing a few isn't as happy as knowing I'll see them all. I mean it's like you grow up these kids and you spend your time arguing and fighting with them. Than senior comes around and it's like just as your about to get to know these kids. There taken from you and there gone because were all leaving. Even though you may wish that it just wasn't the case. Life I guess in this way happens, but I just wish sometimes it just happened a little slower for me to just enjoy because I know personally. I'm going to miss being a kid. I'm going to miss spending summers flying kites outside my apartment along the Brooklyn bridge. When there wasn't a care in the world except how much time I could spend with my friends and if tomorrow I would be back. b) Since I am now almost an adult my plans for myself in 5 years is to be finishing college and into my first year of being employed. I want to go into law and be a lawyer one day. But I don't know my mind is still changing and I say that with a smile because I think that's a good thing. I think my mind will change a lot before I leave college. But in what ever field I enter I promise to always give 100 percent to my work. I think I'll have a girl friend in 5 years and she'll probably be my first. Which I think is good but I don't know. Hopefully I'll be almost out of my parent's house. c)In ten years I hope to be working and possibly be living in New York. I want to say I will live in Central Park. Because it's always been my dream to one day to live by Hunter College and hang out still in the places I use to hang out with as a kid. I will be probably caring for my folks. Since in 10 years they will be 50. I think I still will be dating in 10 years as bad as that sounds. But I think in 10 years I'll know what I will want in 20 years. d) In 20 years I think I will be working with the possibility of owning my company or job. I will probably get married but I think I like the idea of still being single to mingle .I want to open up a foundation in 20 years to give back to my school and if it helps I want to know how my old teachers back in Hunter were doing. Meaning Mr. Froner and Mss.Defeo better be a live to that I see what they were up to. I'll probably will still have kept in contact with Michael during this time and I know my parents will diffidently need me to care for them. I also want to discover something or write a paper which could bare my name on it. I like the idea that maybe someday somebody could see the boy from Hunter High School and think he did something.
10. What advice do you have to give to future MHSHS students in order to help them prepare for this experience?
    I think the way this question is laid out is kind of hard for me to answer. So I wanted to answer this question in the form of a letter.
    Dear Future Manhattan Hunter Science High School students..
    If your reading this your letter. It is probably because you like me are going down the pathway that has been traveled by millions of seniors like myself who have crossed the same road that you will soon be going through. You will be entering your senior year in Hunter College and what a joy that will be. Hunter College really does offer you choices and opportunities that I believe couldn't be offered any were else. Your going to be part now of a community that really does care for you. Except that you being the High School students you were, are like me going to resist this sense of community because you are going to feel that it infringes on what your use to. For a while you might even still cling to the old ways your use to. But my friends don't resist this community but instead learn to embrace like many of us did before you. Come together as a class and learn how to look beyond each others faults. Smile at the bad. Look for the good and above all have fun. At Hunter you'll find yourself open to participate in things that in your wildest dreams you couldn't imagine participating in back in the High School like the debate team and swim team. If your the adventurous kind like I was. Join a club that peaks your interest and matches your schedule like the salsa club. Or take a risk and talk to some of these college kids. I mean who knows you just might find that you made a friend like the way I did when I talked to a few Hunter College students. In fact some of the best friend you might have this year might be Hunter College students. However the friends you will have for life you might just find will be the student's who like you will go through the same issues that many of us went through ourselves. So stick together and help each other out. You have more in common than you know and can even imagine and when you stick together you'll find that mountains really can be moved when you come together. Nothing could stand in your way when your together. Which is why I said before don't don't resist the community. If Holly or Mr. Froner or Ms. Defeo goes up to you to talk to you.. Listen to them and hear them out. They've been in your, they been in my shoes and they want to help you out. Remember that in your actions you represent Hunter. So make us proud. If you go out there and make a good impressions on the teachers. You'll make there job less harder and you might just find that a happy teacher is a great teacher. So go out there and make not just us proud but yourselves proud as well. Remember that your never really alone in this campus. Because in essence you are walking in the hallways of students before you who walked the same steps. But if it helps you'll probably do more fun things than I ever did. So go get em champs. Remember the future belong to those who believe in the beauty of there dreams. Which includes you. Your the future and you are our dreams.

Sincerely a former student

2nd draft to story

There isn't a day that goes by in my life. When I don't think about the seasons which composed my senior year. They were nights spent in a room with a girl who always had a smile on her a face. A boy who wore a Vader mask every were he went and a guy who though he was the Marlon Brando of the world. We were in short a group of ragtag of teenagers partially joined together by the common interest of playing a board game and partially joined by a the events and times we were growing up in.

It was a changing world for the graduating class of the 2009. Obama was in, Bush was out and for a bunch of us seniors that year. It marked the end of to the cold and harsh winter which had gripped the town of New Roe that year and a return to the cheryblosom, pool jumping, senior singing festivities which composed spring time in New Roe country. Spring meant an end to the old spirit of winter and a renewel to the new and young ways of life which came with spring. Around me everyone sang an end to the High School experience we had all grown accustumed to and a begining to our college experience. Except that I didn't feel the full force of this excitment at the time. Because all I wanted do was to find a way to get out of the old world I was use to and graduate. I though that by graduating from school I would be able to find a way out of the winter and into the spring everyone around me seemed to enjoy. I marked the date till graduation on my calendar with a big bright red words graduation date and every morning would mark a big dark X on the day that marked me geting closer to that date.

It was March and yet for some reason the date till my June release felt as though it a year away. I pouted and sometimes would yell into my pillow at times before leaving to school. I thought my feeling of contension for school wouldn't be reconizable to my mother. However nothing seemed to get by her. She caught on quickly that I something was wrong and being the mother along with former phycologist she was, decided to find a way to solve my issues with the quick dial of a phone and a smile. Her son from that moment on would be enrolled a in a program which she said helped teenagers to do better socialy and academicly in school. By giving them guote on quote “interaction

time with kids who would be a possitive support for them through an enhanced knowledge of the board game Risk.” It was the biggest peice of nouncence I had ever heard at the time. I couldn't imagine how playing a board game, somehow my intellegence would grow. But I guess it was just one of those things I would have to go through before senior year. It didn't cost me a dime to be in the program so I didn't care much. I did just as mom said. I got out at 3:00 from school and took the trian four stops to the feiry. Entered it at 3:45 and took it across the river to Manhattan. I got off the boat walked four more blocks and entered Central Park at its southern point, along 60^th street. There was a tent set up along a set of seats and tables along the enterence to the park. I walked to were a man holding a clip board stood. Pointed out my name on the list and sat where he instructed me to sit. It sounded like an easy assignment at first. Except that my table already had kids sitting in it. Who at the time I didn't know. The kids sitting at the table looked at me and I imidaitely starting making assumptions on each and everyone of them, starting with the kid with the Vader mask and going through to the blonde who had weird buck teeth and the brunette who sat as though he rulled the table. I took a seat next to the kid with the Vader mask on and said not a word the whole time we were player except. Is it my turn and I'm going to role now. A simple quite tone I felt would be best considering I thought I wouldn't be in this program long enough to get to know these kids anyways.

During my first few weeks at taking the program every friday. Not a world was spoken by myself or the kids who played the board game either. Their quiteness didn't help the already tight silence in the air. Making it feel like the longest three weeks of my life. Until that is, the brunette of the group decided decided to make the first move and cross the Berlin Wall of our silence. It took eighteen words and a firm handshake to take down my wall from Marlon Brando to change this cold war isolation and all they had to say was.”Hey dude my name is Mark, this is Sarah and the kid in the Vader mask is Elliot” Those eigtheen words had done what a month of playing risk wouldn't have done. They tore down the awkward sillence between everyone and open it up to conversation.

I openly spoke to my new friends about myself and was equaly given knowledge about who they were. I learned that day that all my assumptions of these kids being anti social low lives was invalide because each kid had a story of there own. Like the Mark who I learned was a senior like myself and lived a few blocks away from the southern enterence to Central Park.. Or Sarah who lived with her Grandma in Park Slope because her parent's had died while serving in the Iraq war. Yet always managed to wear a smile on her face. Even Elliot who wore a Darth Vader mask had openned up to me that day and I learned that to my surprise he and I had even gone to school together and every english class since freshmen year to senior year together since entering New Roe High School. Elliot had even caught the same train as me to New York. Ironicaly even with his noticable big Darth Vader mask on. I had never noticed him in High School and I made a note to ask him about that when I had the chance.

My chance came six days later when while leaving Mr.Froner's history class. I saw Elliot walking right behind me. So I called out “hey Elliot”. Elliot looks at me and say's. “O hey Nick. How are you?.” “I'm good” I respond back as we walked to the main enterence of the New Roe High school building. I ask Elliot if hes going to risk today and he responds that he is. But that is but he just might be in the mood that day. Elliots mask is a step lower than what it usualy is. Which makes me wonder what could have happened to make him so sour. The doors to the New Roe building closed Elliot and I as we walked to the train stations three blocks away. Elliot doesn't say much as we walk so I decide to ask him why he wears his Darth Vader mask. He rubs the questions of says that he will tell me in a few weeks from now and than ask's if whethere I thought Emily Lively was cute. I mention that I don't. Even as she is walking by me and Elliot as we are walking to the trian. I look at him and smile and he say's you do in a upper happy tone. I guess well have something to talk about during risk now won't we says Elliot as the train doors open in front of us.

The humidity in New York was problably the worste I had ever experienced in March. Yet for some reason that doesn't stop the program directors from resuming Friday risk. It's another day of risk with the friends. Who by now are chuckling at Elliot who is telling them all about how seeing me talk to Emily Lively is like seeing a squirel jet skie. I laugh along with Elliot because he is sort of right. It hasn't been easy for me to talk to Emily Lively. She had been in almost all of my classes till freshmen year. But never once had paid any attention to me. For it was worth that year I could have been a dead fly and she wouldn't have noticed me. But being with my friends makes such a sad story less sad and I am kept more occupied by the lose of my territories in North Africa by Mark than I am over the lose of a girl. Mark takes over the territory and I am eliminated in four terms. I have never seen someone who plays with as good of stragegy than Mark. I ask him what his secret is and he takes a poem from his backpack called Invictus. Which read. “I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.” “How does that relate to stratagy” I ask him as I grab my backpack. Mark replies. “Everything. It's about knowing your oponent and remembering that he doesn't control the Fate of the game you do.” “Ohh. Makes sense I reply back before leaving for the train to New Roe. The trian ride to New Roe isn't a long one. I sit down in the front cart and close my eyes. Marks words come to my head and I imagine that some how those words must work for him but not for me. Some people just can't change there fate I tell myself like the fate of ever talking to Emily. It's never going to happen and I believe it as I walk to my room and lay in my bed thinking about tomorrow.

It's April 12^nd now and that means I have now been in this risk program for now a month. Ironicly I have yet to win a game. But that doesn't bother me much. We still have April left and a few events that happend in the beginging of the month remind me that April just might be my month, starting with me recieing an invitation to a party Elliot was having at his house. It's a karokee party that barely anyone seems to go to except me, Elliot and his mom. We sing a few songs and than I leave. Elliots mom thanks me purfusly before saying. That ever since his dad's death Elliot has never been the same. But she is grateful that he has me to talk to. I smile it off and if some how my kindness to Elliot was being rewarded than it couldn't come at a better time.

Because the next day while clearing my locker of semester school work.I catch glance of Emily Lively. She shares a locker right next to me and is also clearing her locker of last semestors books. Emily closes her locker and carries the books on her arms. The weight of all the books are to much for her arms to carry. Her arms give in to gravities pull and she is on the floor in seconds trying to pick up the mess of books which are now scatered over the floor. An anxious panic grips her. Not letting her see me reaching out to help her to pick up her books. Twenty seconds later it registers in her mind that the stranger crouching down next to someone she knows.She puts her hand on my shoulder and turns to look at me trying to make sence of the face she see's but doesn't seem to know.

“I'm Nick Dawson” I tell her between the breaks I get from picking up the books and looking at her.

“Ohh, Nick. She says “I know you. well I don't know you, know you. I just know I have seen you in my english class.”

“Yeah” I respond back. Thinking how in the world have we shared the same english class together since freshmen year. Yet only now you realize I'm in your class. Are girls really that clueless? They can't really be that cluesless can they I think to myself as I look into a set of brown eyes. That are trying to make sense of the boy she has ignored all these years. I turn the last book on the floor over. It's a beatiful older verson of Pride and Prejudice. The sheets are a soft light brown reminder of an older time. When the shyness between men and women was adorable. And a man didn't have to go so far to change his scenory. I didn't have the honor of being born during those times. But as I hold this book and look at Emily. It just feels as though Darcy might fall for a Jane once more. Emily counts the books she held in her hands and places them in her backpack.

“Heres your book.” I tell has she zips her backpack. “It's a classic”

“Oh is it” She asks.

“Yeah it is. Are you reading that for class.”

“No, well... yes and no. I was reading it for fun. But now I'm reading it because I'm taking my last SAT's soon. I know it sounds weird to read an old novel for the SAT's. But I'm a sucker for Jane Austin”

“So am I. Have you read Emma?”

“No, but I just love that time period so much.”

“You love the 1800's?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I guess I never assumed you did?”

“Yeah most people don't. But I realy do. So you read Jane Austin. I see”

“Yeah my mom actualy has a whole collection of letters from that time period”

“Really thats awesome.”

“Maybe if your open next Saturday. I can share them with you.”

“That would be cool. I'd like that. Should we meet at your place or mine?”

“I've never been to your so if you don't mind can we go to your place.”

“Yeah its great.”

Emily picks up her backpack and says see you Saturday. I reply defidently and walk back to my locker.

I think this April just might be right.

The saturday of next week could have been seconds away but for me it felt as though it was years away.I walk to the address given to me by Emily and knock on the door. The house is a modest two story town house. Emily opens the door when I knock and invites me upstairs to her room. Her room is small and has a small bed and desk. We sit along the bed, open up the box of letters I've brought and before long are engaged in conversation. Emily touches each letter with the gentle feel of a mother touching her newborn. I can tell its beautiful and new to her from the expression she makes as she reads each letter. She mentions she loves the letters sent between a couple named James to Jullia. I've read those letter before and didn't catch there meaning yet as I stand talking about the letter to her. It seems as though she is making her own world out of the one she is in. Time passes quickly as we talk and when it's time to leave. She gives me a hug and says it was fun. Lets do it agian. I agree and what starts off as a harmless one day saturday visit soon becomes a routine. Every Saturday me and Emily go through the letters and just read them and talk about what we like. I know it probably sounds boring. But sitting with Emily was probably one of the best times of my life I ever had. I can tell from our conversations that me and Emily are becoming real friends. At school I even get invited to sit with Emily. I except the invite because it beats sitting with Tom Bergen and his groups of friends who just talk about suduko every lunch period. I invite Elliot to sit with us and soon our table is fitted just right.

Speaking of Elliot I forgot to mentiont that last friday at the risk night in the park. I almost won if it wasn't for Elliot. Who beat me two moves ahead of me. On the train ride home from risk I ask Elliot how he won and he say's “He didn't you just forgot to turn in your cards for more troops. You would have won if you turned in your cards.” Wow I think to myself on the way home. If only I had played my cards right. Speaking of cards. I tell Elliot as I am about to leave. “I got plans with Emily tomorrow.” He laughts “Have fun. Just don't forget to play your cards right.”

I should have remember those words Satuday but I didn't. I mean everything that day had been spelled out as beautiful. The weather was a nice. The homework was light and it was the first time in while that I would be able to hang out with Victoria. We had made plans in advance to hang out and it seemed that things might just fall into play. It was 5:00 when Victoria got out of her cheer leading session. I could tell by the way she batted her eyes in an almost innocent nothing will bother me look. She gave no impression to your average on looker of the stress that seemed to weigh on her mind as cheer leading finals drew close. She just smiled and walk my way as I waited for her outside the Gym Hallway. I greeted her with a formal hug and hello as she walked to me. She replied with a hug and hello back and than asked where we would go to. Don't worry about I responded as I lead her out of the school. Were we walked south along the outskirts of Central Park West. It was a short five minute walk. But as I talked to Victoria distance became lost and time took no meaning. We were standing outside the Time Warner Mall in no time. Victoria smiled and asked. “So this is were your taking me. Don't you know I love to shop.”

“yeah I do” I responded back.

“But I think I found a better place you might like.”

I walked her to up along the escalator of the Time Warner Building were I took her into the Borders on the second floor.

“Your taking me to a book store.” asked Victoria

“Yeah. I use to work here.” I responded as I lead her to the poetry section. It was a quite section and I thought the quietness of it would ease her mind. I put my backpack down and she followed suite. I told her I was going to get a book and that I would be back. Even though I had brought a book of poetry by Frank 'Hara long in advance. Victoria was sitting with a bottle of water along the floor of the romantic and goth poetry section when I got back. I showed her my book as I sat down. It was an older book that I had brought from a book retailer in Dumbo. I held the book gently as I handed it to Victoria. She gripped the book and opened it. What this is tab for she asked as she looked into the book. I said it was nothing. Even though I knew that I have purposely put that there. Victoria looked at the page. Which was tittle Having A coke with you. Victoria turned the paper with a certain poetic pose. When the page she was she was turning ripped slightly.

“What are you doing?” I asked. As she read the book.

“reading your book.” responded Victoria

Victoria clearly didn't seem to understand how much that book had meant to me. She just smiled and kept reading. It was as though the rip meant nothing to her but to me it did. I look on the book and said “Hey Victoria can I see the book.'

“Yeah sure.” she responded as her bottle tossed onto my book, spilling all of its water contents. Victoria glanced over at me and said I'm sorry as she tried to clean the wet up.

“No you aren't.”

“Yes I am. I can only imagine what this means to you.”

“ No you aren't. I mean do you see where you put your stuff.”

“Yeah and I bet this book meant a lot to you. But what can I say. I'm sorry.”

“Your not sorry alright. You rip my book and now you wet it.”

“It was an honest mistake, dude can't you look the other way and just relax little. It's just a book.”

“No I can't”

“Well books get wet all the time and you don't see people walking the streets with heart attacks.”

“Well that's because they don't treasure books the way I do.”

I can slowly see the frustration build in Victoria's eyes. However I don't stay long to see her tell me the words of her frustration. I just grab my book and run to the bathroom. Along the way. I thought I heard her say so that's why everyone stays around him.” I pay no head to those word because i am to busy trying to whipe my books wet sheets. But it's to late the pages are torn. I walk back to were I had left Victoria.She's gone . She's gone and only I could blame myself as I thought back on it. For freaking her out. I guess I just didn't tell her the truth and now she's gone.

I call Victoria after my little spaz attack. But she doesn't respond. So I do it again and again. But she ignores me. So I ignore her for a week when she see's me in the hallway and pulls me over and says can we talk. So I nodded in agreement in hopes that maybe I could tell her I'm sorry. But I don't because all she tells me. Is how she knows I'm different but the way I responded during our conversation makes me say nothing. She tells me first that she found that to be quite odd. I respond listen I don't care. I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry and I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom with me. Here face tells me this shocks her and she says that she has been asked out by Johnathan Kinder I respond no problem and she says well... There''s left for me to say. So I walk away, no I run away and for the first time in a while everything feels like they don't make sense anymore.

It the last friday of May and its my last day of having this friday risk night. I still havent won a game yet. Which . Jared however who has gotten alot friendler is. He even starts playfully hitting sarah. Sarah takes this with stride and laughs also. But I don't laugh so Mark says. “Bud why aren't you laughing and I respond “shutup.” So he says someone has an attitude and that just fires me off. So i tell him. Mark you have no idea what i've gone threw. I'm been hanging out with the same lossers now for 3 months now and what does that get me. Mark tells me to roll my dice so I role. What a seat at the loser table well i hate this table. Mark says role. I role. All i've been doing is working hard and what do I enjoy. Mark says role. I role and move. I mean not even jared has lost his vader helmet. I look at Jared and to my surprise his helmet is off. Mark smiles and says and O by the way you just won. Sarah and jared are by this time looking at me. When Jared says the one world I thought I would never hear. Go get he tells me and I do. It's 10:00 in the night and its raining and I know the prom is over but I run to were I know I will see her waiting for her bus home. When I arrive the bus is just driving off.But I run to it. I run as fast as I can and on the next stop I enter the bus. I'm drenched and wet but I don't care because there she is. I look into her eyes and she says don't apoligize. She just holds my hand and just as we are walking out of the bus to her stop she looks at me. Her hands are colder now. But she whispers the words I've been dying to here since I first met her. Everything is going to be all right.

1st draft of story

There isn't a day that goes by in my life. When I dion't think about the seasons of my senior year. They were seasons that were composed of nights spent in a room with a girl who always had a smile on her a face. A boy who wore a Vader mask every were he went and a guy who though he was the Marlon Brando of the world. We were also group of ragtag of teenagers partially joined together by the common interest of playing a board game and partially joined by the times we were in. It was 2009 and the world around us was changing as fast as we were. Obama was in, Bush was out and for a bunch of seniors that year. It marked the end of High School and the beginning of college. Goodbye senior year I sang to myself as the months grew closer to graduation and prom. I wanted to graduate and the time waiting at the time. Just made the urge grow.I mean no one had a greater desire to graduate than me to graduate.With the exception of course maybe of Vader and Marlon Brando. They were also seniors. But Marlon Brando didn't go school and Vader was in the same class as me. But I never noticed him. I doubted he had the same desire to me graduate. But I guess at the time I didn't care because all I had thought about was graduating. It was such a great desire that it couldn't even be called a desire because it was became a want. I thought I wanted it more than anything in the and I guess I did for a while until two things happened in my life. First I my mom enrolled me into the company of that rag tag group of teenagers I mentioned before. She said it was a program which helped teenagers to do better socialy in academicly in school. By providing them a game to play and interact with kids who would be a possitive support for them. Ironicaly it wasn't a chess game. It was a game called Risk. The program directors had found worked better to develope the intellegence side of the teenage brain and mom being mom had decided to enroll me in it. So I took it. I mean it was senior year and I was almost out of High school so what it didn't matter. Except that it did when the program cordinators put me in Vader and Marlon Brando's group. I didn't know Vader. I mean yeah he had been in school with me since I was in 9^th grade, but he had always just been that guy. That never took off his Vader mask.It didn't matter at the time what his personality was. It just mattered that now every friday I was playing agianst a guy and girl who always won. If marlon Brando didn't win than it was blonde and at first it was realy awkward to play agianst these kids. They didn't speak much and when they did it was usualy to say it's your turn or roll the dice. It was the longest three weeks of my life.

Until Marlon Brando decided to make the first move and cross the Berlin Wall of our silence. It took ten words and a firm handshake to take down my wall from Marlon Brando to change this cold war isolation and all they had to say was.”Hey dude, my name is Mark and this is Sarah” Those ten words had opened up that day to a new flurry of conversation.

I learned that Marlon Brando now known as Mark was a senior like me who went to school with smilie. I mean Sarah. Vadar also decided open up that day. For the first time I learned that day. That Vaders real name was Jared Dawson and that he and I had shared almost every english class from freshmen year to senior year together since entering Maywood High School. Which truth be told, was a total suprise to me. I had never paid Jared much attention so it shouldnt have been a big deal to me.

Since I had now discovered that me and Jared shared a same class though I decided to inquire more. The next day. I went to school and spoted Jared walking to his locker. Had he on his Vader mask and a black V-neck with dark blue jeans and Black convses. He said hey simon and walked away as though I wasn't there. He had his jacket so I there was only place one could assume he was going and that was home. Jared I called out as he walked out the doors. “Wait up.” Jared turns his head to me and say's Simon I don't think you want to speak to me. Please let me go home and I”ll see you friday.” Jared doesn't say much after that. He walks a few paces to the door. When I decide to follow tail of him. He is taken off guard and knowing Jared at the time I assumed he wouldn't like it. But he doesn't mind so neither did I. I tried to engage him in conversation but he just didn't say much. He stays quite till an unexpexted visiter passses me. Victoria Lively has been in many of my classes till freshmen year. But never once had paid any attention to me. For it was worth that year I could have been a dead fly and she wouldn't have noticed me. So she walks by me and I blush because I think she is gorgouse. Vader notices and starts to giggle. He hadn't said anything real to me that day. But finaly he says your a kidster and laughs. I assume that this is a good thing and after a glance at my phone which says I'm going to miss jepordy I give Jared a pat on the shoulder and walk away.

The next friday comes around and everyone in the group is now on friendlier terms when out of the blue a seemingly friendlier Jared says.

“So hows druewll girl?”

“How did you know I droull over her?”

“Because you did.”

Jared gives a quick laugh and than says its your turn. I role the dice and attack Western United States but I lose and because Mark was the defender he smiles and says “kid you have alot to learn.” By now since I was on friendlier terms with Mark. I respond. “Hey marlon Brando how about you learn to play better first.” The board say that Mark is spread thin but he responds he's not. He looks at his partner in crime Sarah and she says he's not weak he just looks it on the board. She than goes on to start explaining how as a guy the one I need to do is start being more confident in myself. This causes Vader to giggle once more, so I gently punch Vader on his shoulder and he says “hey what can I say the truth hurts.” Vaders become more of a wise crack now. But I guess it's opening up. I reason to myself as Sarah places her moves next. Her move is next followed by Mark. Who ends up being the winner at the end of the night. Sarah say's it's because more Mark knows his game but I disagree but what can I say. I'm was just a newbie and the game would just be starting for this newbie.

This newbie probably didn't have much game the first time he started in April. For a good month. I think I lost more times in risk than Jared and Sarah and Mark did combined. Jared unlike me picked up the game faster than I did. He even close at times to beating Mark. Who seemed to own the strategic movement of the game. Risk was my chess that year. I breathed it on Fridays. Dreamed it on thursdays and cried about it on Sundays. I lived risk those months. Not because I cared for the game. But because it provided me a challange.I didn't need to play chess to stratagy. I was learning it every friday and for a while I played it online to. I didn't go far online. But I guess I figured anything was posible.My game needed me to focus more. So I decided to start paying more attention to the way Mark would play. I deducted that Mark knew well how to ballance and that therefore to win I would need to be ballanced. I took other various notes also but that was the one note that struck out to me as unique because it came during a time. When I over the course of a week I earned a 90 in my math test over my standard 65. I couldnt believe it. Mom said it was due to the game I was playing on Fridays. Which i was starting to no longer doubt.

Even Jared was doing better. Three weeks after first speaking to Jared I noticed that he tended to be more happier in his speech. He was also less lonesome. Which meant that I saw Jared with more people now. He still wore his helment but that I believed woudlnt last long. Jared or vader as I saw him had just like me made a small change through observaion and he was now happier. If only I wished I could be happier and have the courage to talk to Victoria. But Victoria wouldnt ever look at a guy like me. I reasoned to myself oneday as I walked to my locker. My head was low as I walked to my locker. Which was the reason why when I did walk to my locker I hit slightly with my head. I apoligized imidaitely and she said it wasn't an issue. She then pointed out that I she noticed my pink floyd T-shirt and loved that bamd. A conversation was made and with this conversation I found that May would be my spring flower. The start of May for me started with what I believed was another lost to Mark. Even though Jared had pointed out that I almost won. It was still a lose. Since the weather was nice by the way. The gang and I as I liked to call them now played on the lawn of central park north. The weather was becoming more fair and so was our game. I picked up on marks moves fast. Even as Mark being t he smart mouth that he was also noted that it had taken me long enought. I didn't care. Jared also was slowly making increasingly good progresss and I could have sworn that i thought I saw him take off his Vader cap. Even though he claimed he didn't. My math grades contrinued to rise even as I believed they weren't. It was also around this time that I also had my first set back with Victoria.

Everything that day had been spellled out as beautiful. The weather was a nice. The homework was light and it was the first time in while that I would be able to hang out with Victoria. We had made plans in advance to hang out and it seemed that things might just fall into play. It was 5:00 when Victoria got out of her cheerleading session.I could tell by the way she batted her eyes in an almost inocent nothing will bother me look. She gave no impression toyour average on looker of the stress that seemed to weigh on her mind as cheerleading finals drew close. She just smiled and walk my way as I waited for her outside the Gym Hallway. I greeted her with a formal hug and hello as she walked to me. She replied with a hug and hello back and than asked where we would go to. Don't worry about I responded as I lead her out of the school. Were we walked south along the outskirts of Central Park West. It was a short five minute walk. But as I talked to Victoria time just to go at another pace. Words became new and in the

during lunch time when I had this set back. I was talking to her about colleges I was probably going to attend. When a small bit of pasta from her lunch plate fell on my shirt. I imidaitely reacted by saying can you ecuse me. She thought it was a joke and said whats a litttle bit of pasta and touched it. I reacted in kind and said stop. I think I shouted though because she looked at me and in an equaly mad voice said just go. To which I ran out of the lunchroom and to the bathroom. My white shirt cannot be dirty. I think to myself as I try to take it off as fast as i can to beat the stain.I press the shirt along the water which is jetting through the faucet and I scrub and I scrub until my fingers are red and I my shirt is drenched. Why did I do this I think to myself as I scrub. But the thing is i can't stop because I just can't. But I want to. So I close my eyes and count to ten and at ten I pull my shirt away. Its drenched which water. But it easily comes off and what ever doesn't just get's air dried as I walk to class. After school I call Victoria. But she doesn't respond. So I do it agian and agian. But she ignores me. So I ignore her for a week when she see's me in the hallway and pulls me over and says can we talk. So I noded in agreement in hopes that maybe I could tell her I'm sorry. But I don't because all she tells me. Is how she knows I'm different but the way I responded during our conversation makes me say nothing. She tells me first that she found that to be quite odd and that also she has been asked out by Johnathen Kinder and wanted to make sure that as a friend I knew this. I respond no problem and she says great and walks away even as underneith my breath. I whisper but It's because I have.... Victoria leaves and for the first time in a while everything feels like April once agian. Except that it's not.

It the last friday of May and its my last day of having this friday risk night. I still havent won a game. So I am not in the best move. Jared however who has gotten alot friendler is. He even starts playfully hitting sarah. Sarah takes this with stride and laughs also. But I don't laugh so Mark says. “Bud why aren't you laughing and I respond “shutup.” So he says someone has an attitude and that just fires me off. So i tell him. Mark you have no idea what i've gone threw. I'm been hanging out with the same lossers now for 3 months now and what does that get me. Mark tells me to roll my dice so I role. What a seat at the loser table well i hate this table. Mark says role. I role. All i've been doing is working hard and what do I enjoy. Mark says role. I role and move. I mean not even jared has lost his vader helmet. I look at Jared and to my surprise his helmet is off. Mark smiles and says and O by the way you just won. Sarah and jared are by this time looking at me. When Jared says the one world I thought I would never hear. Go get he tells me and I do. It's 10:00 in the night and its raining and I know the prom is over but I run to were I know I will see her waiting for her bus home. When I arrive the bus is just driving off.But I run to it. I run as fast as I can and on the next stop I enter the bus. I'm drenched and wet but I don't care because there she is. I look into her eyes and she says don't apoligize. She just holds my hand and just as we are walking out of the bus to her stop she looks at me. Her hands are colder now. But she whispers the words I've been dying to here since I first met her. Everything is going to be all right.

final draft

            My spring under the shadow

            Nothing seemed to mark the return of spring better than the return of  blue jays and robins to my mothers garden. Their presence marked the return of a natural order coming back into place. Trees grew, flowers bloomed and for the first time while walking home. I realized that  I had seen the appearance of my shadow. It hadn't changed much since the last time I saw it a year ago. It was still the same size, skinny on the arms, and legs yet and on the ears. A perfect composed picture, of a teenager who in two months from now would be graduating from New Roe Country High School.

            Except the shadow wasn't a perfectly composed picture of me. It had flaws in it that weren't discernible. My shadow hadn’t expressed how I longed for my shadow to change, in almost the way I had wished that I, myself could change. Just like the way I had seen my friends. Graduation opened the hope that I could achieve some form of change. But then again there was relatively nothing more I could do past marking the days till graduation. Which at the moment were two long months.

            March had gone by faster than I imagined it to be, except for me it had felt like it was three months passing. I tried my best not to mope and sigh at my longing for time to pass. My mother quickly picked up that something was wrong and decided to find a way to solve my issues. With just a few clicks of the phone and the right numbers at her side. She  decided to enrolled me  in a program, which she said. Helped teenagers to do better socially and academically in school. By giving them quote on quote. “Interaction time with kids who would be a positive support for them. Through an enhanced knowledge of the board  game Risk.” It was the biggest piece of nonsense I had ever heard at the time. I couldn't imagine how playing a board game, could some how boost my intelligence . But since it didn't cost me a anything to be in the program. I didn't care much. I did just as mom said and went to the program every Friday.

            During my first few weeks at the program. Not a word was spoken by myself or the kids who played the board game either. Making it feel like the longest three weeks of my life. Until one of the kids of the group decided  to make the first move and brake the silence. He said

“Hi dude my name is Mark, and this is Elliot”.

“ Nice to meet you,My name is Nick.” I responded back.

I got up to give them a high five and to also engage my new friends in conversation.

            The days spent talking to my new friends. I thought would be the most boring periods of my life. Yet as days went to months I realized that speaking to Mark and Elliot wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My assumptions on these two kids being social idiots were completely out of line. Especially in the case of Elliot Price. Elliot Price was in my opinion at the time the biggest loner, if there ever was one. Though he and I went to the same school together. I had never gotten to know Elliot because he always seemed to sit by himself all the time. It was as though he had put up a wall that only came down in this program. Elliot's wall I felt should be open so I decided to take a chance to inquire more about him.

            My chance came six days later when while leaving Ms. Flangger’s history class. I saw Elliot walking right behind me. I called out “hey Elliot” Elliot looks at me and say's.

“O hey Nick. How are you?” 

“I'm good”

             I responded back as we walked to the main entrance of the New Roe High school building.  I asked Elliot if hes going to risk today and he responds that he is. But that he wasn't in the mood that day. Elliot doesn't say much as we walk to the train together so I decide to ask him about how his day was going .He says fine and the conversation begins in a friendly tone. I tell Elliot a bit about myself and he does the same as we ride to program.

            When we arrive to the program that Friday.  I quickly retreat to the board game while Elliot sits out of the game. The game quickly progresses with Mark taking all my territories in North Africa and than winning the game.  I had never seen anyone who plays as good of Mark. I ask him what his secret is and he takes a poem from his backpack called Invictus. Which reads. “I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.” 

“How does that relate to strategy” I ask him as I grab my backpack. Mark replies.

“Everything. It's about knowing your opponent and remembering that he doesn't control the Fate of the game you do.”

 “Oh. Makes sense”

I reply back as I gather my stuff to leave for the train to New Roe. The train ride to New Roe isn't a long one. I sit down in the front cart and close my eyes. Marks words come to my head and I imagine that some how, those words must work for him but not for me. Some people just can't change there fate I tell myself that my fate is going to change and I believe it as I walk to my room and lay in my bed thinking about the future.

            April comes and to my surprise a lot has happened that Month. Starting with me receiving an invitation to a party Elliot was having at his house. It's a karaoke party that barely anyone seems be going to except me, Elliot and his mom. We sang a few songs together and than Elliot and I went to the park outside his house. It’s a quite park with a few trees just the way Elliot likes it. We sit down on the grass and our shadows start to form. I can't tell if our shadows from a far are changing if it's just me. Since I'm not there to look at shadows. I turn to look back at Elliot who is busy talking about graduating. I think he's made a real friend in me. Minutes pass as we speak and before long I find myself leaving his house thanking his mom for the fun evening. Elliot mom replies “The Honor is mine” and closes the door

            The next day I caught Elliot in class and he seems more happy. He has a smile which seems to make me smile as  I go  to my locker to clear it out. When out of the blue  Emily Lively passes by me. Emily shares a locker right next to me and is also clearing her locker of last semesters books. Emily closes her locker and starts carrying her books on her arms. When she suddenly drops her books. She quickly reaches down to try to pick up her books. I bend down to help. She takes a glance at me as I help pick her pick up a few books and say's

“Hi I'm Emily.”

“I'm Nick Dawson” I tell her between the breaks I get from picking up the books and looking at her.

“Ah, Nick.” She says “I've heard of  you. Your in my English class.”

“Yeah” I respond back. 

As I give Emily her books. I notice that one of the books is a book about flowers. I tell that I love flowers and she responds so do I. I ask if maybe she would like to go to the botanical gardens with me next Saturday since she likes flowers. She says that would be cool and she would like that.

Emily picks up her backpack and says see you Saturday. .

            Saturday when I see Emily. I don't tell her it's my first time at the gardens. I just smile and go along with things. Which includes smelling and touching every flower known to man or at least known to Emily. Since she had the habit of touching everything she saw. Emily loves flowers and .I find that hanging out with her becomes even fun when we start conversing about each other. I learn a lot about her that Saturday. When I left the gardens I come out smelling like a flower. But I didn’t mind because I had a lot of fun talking to Emily. She recommends we try this every Saturday. I agree I could tell from our conversations that day that me and Emily were becoming real friends. At school I even got invited to sit with Emily. I except the invitation because it beats sitting with Tom Bergen and his groups of friends who just talk about Sudoku every lunch period. I invited Elliot to sit with us and soon our table is fitted just right.

             I almost won if it wasn't for Elliot. Who beat me two moves ahead of me. On the train ride home from playing Risk I ask Elliot how he won and he say's

            “He didn't you just forgot to turn in your cards for more troops. You would have won if you turned in your cards.” Wow I think to myself on the way home. If only I had played my cards right. I tell Elliot as I am about to leave. “I tell him how much fun I have been having with Emily at the botanical gardens.”  Elliot laughs “Have fun. Just don't forget to play your cards right.”

            The next time I will see Emily would be on the last Friday of Risk night. I still hadn't won a game yet. However I thought Erica would like it. So I invited her to come along and she does. She sat  there quietly and watches me as I play. She's such a great friend I think to myself, as  I started the round  with relatively little thought except to just win. The round starts off slow with me taking over different territories on the map. Mark who is an excellent player though keeps one step ahead of me and keeps me on my toes. I want to win so badly and the thought of winning on this last day of risk slowly comes out when I tell Elliot who is talking to Emily to shut up. Elliot doesn't last long in the game. He is gone after just 15 turns on the board. Leaving the board to just me and Mark.

            “Mark just let me win” I joke as I role against his two. He replies “not a chance” and I laugh it off. Even though I seriously want to win. I role my dice a few more turn and then take a card. The wind blows my cards from off the table and it is than. That I notice that in the stream of playing the game. The risk board had in its own way taken a shadow of it's own along the table. 

            Mark rolls a few more turns and starts getting more territory. I worry but I know I can't do much so I just roll as my turn comes. I thought of winning the game, so I stay focus and keep playing. I play and play until finally I decide hey I need to use to use the bathroom. When I return back

there is a certain look on Marks face. That says something of a cross between something is  wrong here and oh wow that awesome.

I ask.

“What wrong mark”

He says

“look at the board.”

I look at the board and it looks the same.

Emily gets up from talking to Elliot and whispers in my ear.

“I think you just won.”

“Noooo way” I say in shock as I grab my breath. Mark smiles and puts his hand on my back and says “you earned it.” Mark walks out of the park before I have time to say goodbye with Elliot.

            It's 5:00 pm along New Roe park. I'm sitting with Emily on top of a rock that over looks the park.

“It's beautiful isn't it “I tell her as I bask in the sun of the park. I still couldn't believe I won the game. I glance over at Emily, her shadow is just about right and it makes me think of my shadow. So I turn over and there it is. Except that it's growing right before me. The legs and arms of the shadow start to grow larger. My shadow has changed and for the first time in my life. I realize that some how my spring did come, and it came right on time. I smile at Emily and she points it's beautiful as we watch the sun set along the park. I smile and with the sun in my eyes. I reply.

“Yes it's a beautiful.”

4th draft

There's a certian thing about spring time in Central Park that always brings me back to my days as a Senior in High School. It's has been fifteen years.since I last entered the doors of New Roe High school. I didn't know my world would change that year nor could have I known that it would either. Time just seemed to pass along with in days and years for me. Yet as I reflect back now on group of ragtag of teenagers who played risk together on a warm spring day. I guess you can say I'm brought back to my Senior years. When playing a board game of risk was fun and the only thing that mattered in life was graduating and enjoying life Because it was a changing world for the
Spring was the It marked the end of to the cold and harsh winter which had gripped the town of New Roe that year and a return to the cheryblosom, pool jumping, senior singing festivities which composed spring time in New Roe country. Spring meant an end to the old spirit of winter and a renewel to the new and young ways of life which came with spring. Around me everyone sang an end to the High School experience we had all grown accustumed to and a begining to our college experience. Except that I didn't feel the full force of this excitment at the time. Because all  I wanted do was to find a way to get out of the old world I was use to and graduate. I though that by graduating from school I would be able to find a way out of the winter and into the spring everyone around me seemed to enjoy. I marked the date till graduation on my calendar with a big bright red words graduation date and every morning would mark a big dark X on the day that marked me geting closer to that date.
It was March and the date till my June release  felt as though it a year away. I pouted and sometimes would yell into my pillow at times before leaving to school. I thought my feeling of contension for school wouldn't be reconizable to my mother. However nothing seemed to get by her. Mom quickly learned that something was wrong and decided to find a way to solve my issues with the quick dial of a phone and a smile.It took her a few clicks of the phone and few minutes to spare for her  to enrolled me  in a program which she said  helped teenagers to do better socialy and academicly in school. By giving them guote on quote “interaction time with kids who would be a possitive support for them through an enhanced knowledge of the board  game Risk.” It was the biggest peice of nouncence I had ever heard at the time. I couldn't imagine how playing a board game, somehow my intellegence would grow. But I guess it was just one of those things I would have to go through before senior year. It didn't cost me a dime to be in the program so I didn't care much. I did just as mom said. I got out at 3:00 from school and took the trian four stops to the feiry. Entered it at 3:45 and took it across the river to Manhattan. I got off the boat walked four more blocks and entered Central Park at its southern point, along 60th street. There was a tent set up along a set of seats and tables along the enterence to the park. I walked to were a man holding a clip board stood. Pointed out my name on the list and sat where he instructed me to sit. It sounded like an easy assignment at first. Except that my table already had kids sitting in it. Who at the time I didn't know. The kids sitting at the table looked at me and I imidaitely starting making assumptions on each and everyone of them, starting with the kid with the Vader mask and going through to the blonde who had weird buck teeth and the brunette who sat as though he rulled the table.  I took a seat next to the kid with the Vader mask on and said not a word the whole time we were player except. Is it my turn and I'm going to role now. A simple quite tone I felt would be best considering I thought I wouldn't be in this program long enough to get to know these kids anyways.
During my first few weeks at taking the program every friday. Not a world was spoken by myself or the kids who played the board game either. Their quiteness didn't help the already tight silence in the air. Making it feel like the longest three weeks of my life. Until that is, the brunette of the group decided  decided to make the first move and cross the Berlin Wall of our silence. It took eighteen words and a firm handshake to take down my wall from Marlon Brando to change this cold war isolation and all they had to say was.”Hey dude my name is Mark, this is Sarah and the kid in the Vader mask is Elliot”  Those eigtheen words had done what a month of playing risk wouldn't have done. They tore down the awkward sillence between everyone and open it up to conversation.
I openly spoke to my new friends about myself and was equaly given knowledge about who they were. I learned that day that all my assumptions of these kids being anti social low lives was invalide because each kid had a story of there own. Like the Mark who I learned was a senior like myself and lived a few blocks away from the southern enterence to Central Park.. Or Sarah who lived with her Grandma in Park Slope because her parent's had died while serving in the Iraq war. Yet always managed to wear a smile on her face. Even Elliot who wore a Darth Vader mask had openned up to me that day and I learned that to my surprise he and I had even gone to school together and every english class since freshmen year to senior year together since entering New Roe High School. Elliot had even caught the same train as me to New York. Ironicaly even with his noticable big Darth Vader mask on. I had never noticed him in High School and I made a note to ask him about that when I had the chance.
My chance came six days later when while leaving Mr.Froner's history class. I saw Elliot walking right behind me. So I called out “hey Elliot”. Elliot looks at me and say's. “O hey Nick. How are you?.”  “I'm good” I respond back as we walked to the main enterence of the New Roe High school building.  I ask Elliot if hes going to risk today and he responds that he is. But that is but he just might be in the mood that day. Elliots mask is a step lower than what it usualy is. Which makes me wonder what could have happened to make him so sour. The doors to the New Roe building closed Elliot and I as we walked to the train stations three blocks away. Elliot doesn't say much as we walk so I decide to ask him why he wears his Darth Vader mask. He rubs the questions of says that he will tell me in a few weeks from now and than ask's if whethere I thought Emily Lively was cute. I mention that I don't. Even as she is walking by me and Elliot as we are walking to the trian. I look at him and smile and he say's you do in a upper happy tone. I guess well have something to talk about during risk now won't we says Elliot as the train doors open in front of us.
  The humidity in New York was problably the worste I had ever experienced in March. Yet for some reason that doesn't stop the program directors from  resuming Friday risk. It's another day of risk with the friends. Who by now are chuckling at Elliot who is telling them all about how seeing me talk to Emily Lively is like seeing a squirel jet skie. I laugh along with Elliot because he is sort of right. It hasn't been easy for me to talk to Emily Lively. She had been in almost all of my classes till freshmen year. But never once had paid any attention to me. For it was worth that year I could have been a dead fly and she wouldn't have noticed me. But being with my friends makes such a sad story less sad and  I am kept more occupied by the lose of my territories in North Africa by Mark than I am over the lose of a girl. Mark takes over the territory and I am eliminated in four terms. I have never seen someone who plays with as good of stragegy than Mark. I ask him what his secret is and he takes a poem from his backpack called Invictus. Which read. “I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.”  “How does that relate to stratagy” I ask him as I grab my backpack. Mark replies. “Everything. It's about knowing your oponent and remembering that he doesn't control the Fate of the game you do.”  “Ohh. Makes sense I reply back before leaving for the train to New Roe. The trian ride to New Roe isn't a long one. I sit down in the front cart and close my eyes. Marks words come to my head and I imagine that some how those words must work for him but not for me. Some people just can't change there fate I tell myself like the fate of ever talking to Emily. It's never going to happen and I believe it as I walk to my room and lay in my bed thinking about tomorrow.
It's April 12nd now and that means I have now been in this risk program for now a month. Ironicly I have yet to win a game. But that doesn't bother me much. We still have April left and a few events that happend in the beginging of the month remind me that April just might be my month, starting with me recieing an invitation to a party Elliot was having at his house. It's a karokee party  that barely anyone seems to go to except me, Elliot and his mom. We sing a few songs and than I leave. Elliots mom thanks me purfusly before saying. That ever since his dad's death Elliot has never been the same. But she is grateful that he has me to talk to. I smile it off and if some how my kindness to Elliot was being rewarded than it couldn't come at a better time.
Because the next day while clearing my locker of semester school work.I catch glance of Emily Lively. She shares a locker right next to me and is also clearing her locker of last semestors books. Emily closes her locker and carries the books on her arms. The weight of all the books are to much for her arms to carry. Her arms give in to gravities pull and she is on the floor in seconds trying to pick up the mess of books which are now scatered over the floor. An anxious panic grips her. Not letting  her see me reaching out to help her to pick up her books. Twenty seconds later it registers in her mind that the stranger crouching down next to someone she knows.She puts her hand on my shoulder and turns to look at me trying to make sence of the face she see's but doesn't seem to know.
“I'm Nick Dawson” I tell her between the breaks I get from picking up the books and looking at her.
“Ohh, Nick. She says “I know you. well I don't know you, know you. I just know I have seen you in my english class.”
“Yeah” I respond back. Thinking how in the world have we shared the same english class together since freshmen year. Yet only now you realize I'm in your class. Are girls really that clueless? They can't really be that cluesless can they I think to myself as I look into a set  of brown eyes. That are trying to make sense of the boy she has ignored all these years. I turn the last book on the floor over. It's a beatiful older  verson of Pride and Prejudice. The sheets are a soft light brown reminder of an older time. When the shyness between men and women was adorable. And a man didn't have to go so far to change his scenory. I didn't have the honor of being born during those times. But as I hold this book and look at Emily. It just feels as though Darcy might fall for a Jane once more. Emily counts the books she held in her hands and places them in her backpack.
“Heres your book.” I tell has she zips her backpack. “It's a classic”
“Oh is it” She asks.
“Yeah it is. Are you reading that for class.”
“No, well... yes and no. I was reading it for fun. But now I'm reading it because I'm taking my last SAT's soon. I know it sounds weird to read an old novel for the SAT's. But I'm a sucker for Jane Austin”
“So am I. Have you read Emma?”
“No, but I just love that time period so much.”
“You love the 1800's?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I guess I never assumed you did?”
“Yeah most people don't. But I realy do. So you read Jane Austin. I see”
“Yeah my mom actualy has a whole collection of letters from that time period”
“Really thats awesome.”
“Maybe if your open next Saturday. I can share them with you.”
“That would be cool. I'd like that. Should we meet at your place or mine?”
“I've never been to your so if you don't mind can we go to your place.”
“Yeah its great.”
Emily picks up her backpack and says see you Saturday. I reply defidently and walk back to my locker.
I think this April just might be right.
The saturday of next week could have been seconds away but for me it felt as though it was years away.I walk to the address given to me by Emily and knock on the door. The house is a modest two story town house. Emily opens the door when I knock and invites me upstairs to her room. Her room is small and has a small bed and desk. We sit along the bed, open up the box of letters I've brought and before long are engaged in conversation. Emily touches each letter with the gentle feel of a mother touching her newborn. I can tell its beautiful and new to her from the expression she makes as she reads each letter. She mentions she loves the letters sent between a couple named James to Jullia. I've read those letter before and didn't catch there meaning yet as I stand talking about the letter to her. It seems as though she is making her own world out of the one she is in. Time passes quickly as we talk and when it's time to leave. She gives me a hug and says it was fun. Lets do it agian. I agree and what starts off as a harmless one day saturday visit soon becomes a routine. Every Saturday me and Emily go through the letters and just read them and talk about what we like. I know it probably sounds boring. But sitting with Emily was probably one of the best times of my life I ever had. I can tell from our conversations that me and Emily are becoming real friends. At school I even get invited to sit with Emily. I except the invite because it beats sitting with Tom Bergen and his groups of friends who just talk about suduko every lunch period. I invite Elliot to sit with us and soon our table is fitted just right.
Speaking of Elliot I forgot to mentiont that last friday at the risk night in the park. I almost won if it wasn't for Elliot. Who beat me two moves ahead of me. On the train ride home from risk I ask Elliot how he won and he say's “He didn't you just forgot to turn in your cards for more troops. You would have won if you turned in your cards.” Wow I think to myself on the way home. If only I had played my cards right. Speaking of cards. I tell Elliot as I am about to leave. “I got plans with Emily tomorrow.”  He laughts “Have fun. Just don't forget to play your cards right.”
I should have remember those words Satuday but I didn't. I mean  everything that day had been spelled out as beautiful. The weather was a nice. The homework was light and it was the first time in while that I would be able to hang out with Victoria. We had made plans in advance to hang out and it seemed that things might just fall into play. It was 5:00 when Victoria got out of her cheer leading session. I could tell by the way she batted her eyes in an almost innocent nothing will bother me look.  She gave no impression to your average on looker of the stress that seemed to weigh on her mind as cheer leading finals drew close. She just smiled and walk my way as I waited for her outside the Gym Hallway. I greeted her with a formal hug and hello as she walked to me. She replied with a hug and hello back and than asked where we would go to. Don't worry about I responded as I lead her out of the school. Were we walked south along the outskirts of Central Park West. It was a short five minute walk. But as I talked to Victoria distance became lost and time took no meaning. We were standing outside the Time Warner Mall in no time. Victoria smiled and asked. “So this is were your taking me. Don't you know I love to shop.”
“yeah I do” I responded back.
“But I think I found a better place you might like.”
I walked her to up along the escalator of the Time Warner Building were I took her into the Borders on the second floor.
“Your taking me to a book store.” asked Victoria
“Yeah. I use to work here.” I responded as I lead her to the poetry section. It was a quite section and I thought the quietness of it would ease her mind. I put my backpack down and she followed suite. I told her I was going to get a book and that I would be back. Even though I had brought a book of poetry by Frank 'Hara long in advance. Victoria was sitting with a bottle of water along the floor of the  romantic and goth poetry section when I got back. I showed her my book as I sat down. It was an older book that I had brought from a book retailer in Dumbo. I held the book gently as I handed it to Victoria. She gripped the book and opened it. What this is tab for she asked as she looked into the book. I said it was nothing. Even though I knew that I have purposely put that there. Victoria looked at the page. Which was tittle Having A coke with you. Victoria turned the paper with a certain poetic pose. When the page she was she was turning ripped slightly.
“What are you doing?” I asked. As she read the book.
“reading your book.” responded Victoria
Victoria clearly didn't seem to understand how much that book had meant to me. She just smiled and kept reading. It was as though the rip meant nothing to her but to me it did. I look on the book and said “Hey Victoria can I see the book.'
“Yeah sure.” she responded as her bottle tossed onto my book, spilling all of its water contents. Victoria glanced over at me and said I'm sorry as she tried to clean the wet up.
“No you aren't.”
“Yes I am. I can only imagine what this means to you.”
“ No you aren't. I mean do you see where you put your stuff.”
“Yeah and I bet this book meant a lot to you. But what can I say. I'm sorry.”
“Your not sorry alright. You rip my book and now you wet it.”
“It was an honest mistake, dude can't you look the other way and just relax little. It's just a book.”
“No I can't”
“Well books get wet all the time and you don't see people walking the streets with heart attacks.”
“Well that's because they don't treasure books the way I do.”
I can slowly see the frustration build in Victoria's eyes. However I don't stay long to see her tell me the words of her frustration. I just grab my book and run to the bathroom. Along the way. I thought I heard her say so that's why everyone stays around him.” I pay no head to those word because i am to busy  trying to whipe my books wet sheets. But it's to late the pages are torn. I walk back to were I had left Victoria.She's gone . She's gone and only I could blame myself as I thought back on it. For freaking her out. I guess I just didn't tell her the truth and now she's gone.
I call Victoria after my little spaz attack. But she doesn't respond. So I do it again and again. But she ignores me. So I ignore her for a week when she see's me in the hallway and  pulls me over and says can we talk. So I nodded in agreement in hopes that maybe I could tell her I'm sorry. But I don't because all she tells me. Is how she knows I'm different but the way I responded during our conversation makes me say nothing. She tells me first that she found that to be quite odd. I respond listen I don't care. I wanted to tell you. I'm sorry and I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom with  me. Here face tells me this shocks her and she says that she has been asked out by Johnathan Kinder I respond no problem and she says well... There''s left for me to say. So I walk away, no I run away  and for the first time in a while everything feels like they don't make sense anymore.
It the last friday of May and its my last day of having this friday risk night. I still havent won a game yet. Which . Jared however who has gotten alot friendler is. He even starts playfully hitting sarah. Sarah takes this with stride and laughs also. But I don't laugh so Mark says. “Bud why aren't you laughing and I respond “shutup.” So he says someone has an attitude and that just fires me off. So i tell him. Mark you have no idea what i've gone threw. I'm been hanging out with the same lossers now for 3 months now and what does that get me. Mark tells me to roll my dice so I role. What a seat at the loser table well i hate this table. Mark says role. I role. All i've been doing is working hard and what do I enjoy. Mark says role. I role and move. I mean not even jared has lost his vader helmet. I look at Jared and to my surprise his helmet is off. Mark smiles and says and O by the way you just won. Sarah and jared are by this time looking at me. When Jared says the one world I thought I would never hear. Go get he tells me and I do. It's 10:00  in the night and its raining and I know the prom is over but I run to were I know I will see her waiting for her bus home. When I arrive the bus is just driving off.But I run to it. I run as fast as I can and on the next stop I enter the bus. I'm drenched and wet but I don't care because there she is. I look into her eyes and she says don't apoligize. She just holds my hand and just as we are walking out of the bus to her stop she looks at me. Her hands are colder now. But she whispers the words I've been dying to here since I first met her. Everything is going to be all right.