final draft of journal entry 2

      The rise and fall of a girl who just wanted to fit in
       Maybe it was stupidity on my part. Or maybe it was female intuition gone wrong.That I should have know that the town of Smallwood, North Carolina. Wasn't large enough or nice enough for this gal to be part of. I should have know better to think that I could be part of something I wasn't. But I guess that is life for you. Live and learn. Which in my case was about living and learning.
       You see I hate change. So when I went from the bustling atmosphere of city life to the quietness of moving to a new town where I knew no one .It hated it. I mean here I was. I wasn't just the new girl in a school and town where every girl was white,blond and beautiful. I was the only fifteen year old girl who was 5'6.Who on a good day weighed 110 and looked as though she just survived a major famine. I was a canvas full of scars. (Which came from a childhood well spent climbing trees.) My elbows bore the load of my scares.These scars were small marks on a canvas. That was half Indian half American. I had jet black hair. I which I didn’t like almost the way I didn't like my first day of school.
       When I first arrived in school. I felt as thought I had just landed on another planet. The school was huge with large corridors and hundreds of students all just crowding into the small door ways which lead into the school.I pulled out my schedule and got lost in the crowd. It couldn't find my classroom numbers so as you probably figured. I got lost many times.I ended up asking students who were walking beside me for help. which they in return would point me the right direction . I did this a series of times. Before finding a way to memorize the numbers by heart. I received the back seats in most of classes because of this mix up. I hated doing the walk to the back seat. It was embarrassing as I walked past row to row of students. As you watched as some students read into there book. While other student’s seemed to turn around because you were the only girl who wore a skirt to school.  I than sat and did everything by myself. Until I met Abby.

The best way to describe Abby Page. Was one she was the head of a clique that had ignored since I first got to school. And she didn't care for me and I for her. One day after my chemistry class she came up to me and started speaking to me. I was shocked and convinced she wanted something. "What do you want Abby"? I called out to her as I walked to my locker “Nothing. All I wanted to say is hi.” I responded hesitantly back. "Hi". And walked away. I couldn’t shake this girl. She kept on talking to me. Till I gave her number and said. "Call me at my house. I’ll be open to talk than." When I got home the first person to call me was Abby. She talked about what it felt like to be popular and attractive and how she couldn’t decide if she would go shopping or not. I pretended to care. But I didn’t. She kept up this way. "Until I asked what do you want Abby"? She than mentioned she noticed that I sat alone and that maybe I wanted to I could sit with her. I agreed to it and by the next lunch period. I was sitting at her table. Her friends were nice and we have fun doing you know what girls do. Playing with boy’s heads, running around class, swapping homework. O it was fun. When I got home Abby called again and this time after being more open to her let her into my life. It was fun and since I had started a friendship with her in school. I drew down the protective shield I had and let her into my world.  

Abby lived next door to me and was constantly talking to boys.She looked like a teenage Barbie doll. If they’re ever was one in her soft wavy daisy yellow hair and fair skin. Freckles peppered her face in an almost abstract kind of beauty. Her legs were arms were curvy, which gave her an almost seductive kind of appeal. There was no question she was every males teenage dream of both the dipsy and atractive blond. I wasn’t surprise to watch. As she talked to some boy. Who had blue eyes and a cute smile .He gave her a piece of paper and she giggled and walked right back into her house. After which I didn’t see her till 10 pm at night. I had been reading Jane Austin on the top of a tree branch that I loved to sit on.She climbed to me and talked about the boy and than said I'm going to get you a boy friend. I was shocked but I ignored her as She babled on about her plan to get me a boyfriend.

The next day in school. Abby introduced me to her friend Emma. Emma was a brunette and was a lot more heavier than me. she was also quite tall standing a good 5'9. She came from a rought part of Smallwood where crime high. Yet that didnt make her mean. She was nice and I got along quite well with her. True to her word. Abby found me a boyfriend named  Jason. Jason had brown eyes and soft light velvet hair. He was tall and muscular. Yet weak for my touch .

I spent a lot of time which Jason and little with Abby. Abby wasn’t use to not receiving attention. I think it bothered her. She felt that somehow I had betrayed her and her clique which rarely now hung out with me. I explained to her how I was sorry. But Abby didnt care. She wanted things her way. She said "She no longer cared for me and to leave her alone." So I opted to instead talk to Emma and stop talking to Abby. Emma and I got close and soon Emma started even to invite me to her table for lunch. I enjoyed eating with Emma. Except that she  treated people mean.She always had a word to stay about somebody. And I wondered if maybe since she talked about other she might also talk about me. I also wondered about Abby. Abby had a reputation for finding oportunities to get back at girl she didnt care for. 

Her oportunity to get back at me came in the form of  a vicious rumor that I was playing games with Jason. She knew Jason wouldn’t take such news it easily. So she approached me while I was walking to school. With her horns out and said. "This is over you either pick him or me." I said "him" and she said. "Suit yourself you'll pay for that."And threw a few punches at me. She apparently wasn’t smart because she punched me in front of a police station. The police saw what was happening and came out batons in there hands. “Let her go” called out cop. But it was too late. Emotionally I was dead. The cops let me into the station and I sobbed my tears away. A few weeks later I would fine myself in the final fight that would end anger for this popular group of girls and finally let me redeem myself.

It was during my last weeks of school that I would experience the conflict that would finally end my friendship with Abby's clique. I hadn’t been talking to Emma in a while. I had defended a friend of whom Emma thought was stupid. I took my friend in my arms and said don’t worry. But this clearly had crossed the line with Emma. To her this was worste than saying I wasnt her friend.She sought to take me down and figured that with Abby already mad. She would do a real take down. So they planed it out.

As I walked home from I didn’t realize that Emma and Abby would come at me till while walking on the road home to school. A car passed me. Hey loser called one of the girls from school you like starting things with people don’t you. I looked at the car a 4 by 4 jeep. Where Abby and Emma were. They had eggs in there hands and within a few minutes had engulfed me in eggs. Fear quickly emerged and I pulled up a fight. But my fight was over and I was done fighting. I gave in to the wound and like frost bite to skin. I let my physical wounds take the death of my old skin, my old life .It hurt a lot and as I saw the passengers in the car laugh at me. I felt even worst. The car slowed down and when I did. Emma pulled out her fist and black eye. I was in excruciating pain. The blow knocked me out and I felt down to the floor. They stopped the car and I blanked out. A local car that had scene what was happening pulled out and the man inside pulled me out. He held his fist in the air and said if you hit her again. I will knock you all out. After which he pulled me and said this is not how you want to start your high school carrier. He took my hand and I sat in his car. He let me cry on his sleeve as I placed together the pieces of my life.

             Four years have gone by since I was last in high school. I am graduateding today and I cant wait. I walked down the stairs of the school when the graduation was over  to my mom who was holding congratulation’s sign. Shes aged a lot.Which is no thanks to pain I put her through as a teen. The stressed had aged her. Yet as I left I couldn’t help but feel proud. We had made it and nothing would ever change our memories I had. I entered the car and hit the road home. This time with no one out to hurt me. I told myself as the bright future of a sunset setting over my face on the car ride home spirinkled my eyes and future.